Danica Patrick finished 4th yesterday in what people watching the Indy 500 at home might have thought was the Hollywood sequel to Roe Vs. Wade. It was all Danica, all the time. Even her driver frequency was tapped so we could hear such salient bits of racing chatter as “Don’t let him pass you,” and “Stay inside.” It was like Hemingway had risen from the dead and penned the script to Danica’s life: “Keep going.”

But the worst thing about this sham telecast was the phony media coverage we’ve all come to know and hate. You know what I’m talking about; the announcers whose cellophane voices filled with emotion when Danica looked like she might run out of gas on the final lap. She was touched by the hand of god and his magic gas can.

The fact is that Danica was forced into the middle of a media spectacle when all she wanted to do was drive. So don’t hate Danica for hi-jacking the broadcast; it wasn’t her fault. This was made out to be some kind of David vs. Goliath trial when it was really just a good racecar driver almost winning at the Brickyard. And what about the driver who did win? That Wheldon guy. Well, who cares about him when there’s a woman in the race. What about the guy who finished 2nd? Leave him alone, there’s Danica! And she’s pretty!

And again, so what if Danica’s a woman? Of all the things that might be characterized as “sports,” you’d think the one where the “athlete” doesn’t have to run, jump, tackle, throw, catch, stand-up, move etc…would be gender neutral. And the reality is that women have competed in the Indy before, women have driven cars before, and one day a woman will win a major racing event. And again, so what?

If a woman can play at the highest level then all the best to them. But why are people so gaga over second tier competition? We don’t have separate Bar societies for male and female lawyers. There aren’t separate MD degrees for male and female doctors. But that’s because men and women are on an equal playing field when it comes to academia. The best cardiologist in the world might be a woman. The best lawyer might wear a skirt. That doesn’t make front-page news.

But when it comes to sports, any time a woman is talented enough to play with the men there’s a CNN truck on the way. Danica Patrick finishing 4th isn’t a victory for women. Sandra Day O’Connor is a victory for women.