There was a story in the news a couple of weeks ago about a push to have the words “fat” and “obese” expunged from the vernacular. Apparently there’s a stigma involved in clinical and lay-terms alike when it comes to being overweight. My guess is that’s not the case with MLB pitchers. With obesity stats. ballooning in North America, baseball fans just have to look to their favourite club for proof that it’s not easy being lean.

John Kruk’s famous for saying, “I’m a baseball player, not an athlete,” but that was back in the pre-Starbucks days when guys were sporting mullets and driving Camaros to the stadium. The weight-room was still there in the ’80s, but yoga and pilates didn’t happen. McDonalds wasn’t serving salads, and trans-fats weren’t a question for the Supreme Court.

There were fat pitchers in the ’80s, and there were fat pitchers in the ’90s, but today’s hurlers are taking the goddamn cake. CC Sabathia, whose weight issues have been explicitly linked to his performance on the hill, is listed at 6′7″, 290, on his Yahoo! player card. The guy is easily 350, and probably a bit more. Please tell me how a 350 pound pitcher is going to last 7 innings on a hot, August day?

Runelvys Hernandez showed up at Royals’ training camp around 300 pounds this spring. The guy is 6′1″! The Royals sent him down to the minors to lose some weight, which never happened. That turned out to be a good thing, as he came up to the bigs and had his ass paddled to the tune of a 7.44 ERA and .341 OBA! His uniform is currently enshrined in Cooperstown as a tarp over the leak in the roof of the Negro Leagues exhibit.

I’ve noticed that Heath Bell’s stopped watching his weight. His lower half is enormous. CBS Sports lists Bell at 6′3″, 226; Yahoo! has him at 6′3″, 240, but The Baseball Cube has him at 6′2″, 244. That’s interesting. I guess 240 sounds a little better with your cleats on. It’s nice to have a consensus. Either way, those numbers have to be from his rookie season.

David Wells, maybe MLB’s most notorious Santa Claus, can’t even pitch anymore due to chronic knee and back problems. Sidney Ponson, another notable load, was just released by the Cardinals. Armando Benitez, at 280+, has lost his stuff.

It just seems odd that in a game of sculpted bodies and steroid accusations, such a large contingent of players would be so grossly out-of-shape. That’s especially true when you consider the mileage guys like Roger Clemens have got out of their arms by working on their conditioning. More often, it seems like guys are just content to land a contract, move up a couple-ten uniform sizes, and throw their straight fastballs.

Jonathan Broxton is 6′3, 300 pounds, and 23 years-old. He’s not a nose-tackle, he’s a pitcher for the Dodgers. MLB contracts have fitness clauses, they’re just never invoked. You hear about guys passing physicals all the time. Just what exactly does it take to pass? A clean “turn-your-head-and-cough” test?