You know the feeling that you get when you’ve just finished your last freshman, sophomore, junior, or senior exam, and everyone you meet (especially family) wants to know, “So…Any plans for the summer?”

“None of your goddamn business,” you think. Right? But three weeks later you’re still fielding the same question. You’re still explaining your job at the lumber yard. You’ve done it a hundred times, and now you’re doing it again.

That’s the way that I feel when I read one of Richard Griffin’s columns. Not that I’ve read the same thing before–which I have–but that the discursive process between me and Griffin’s text is just so familiar as to be completely maddening.

Griffin’s quiver has one arrow: J.P. Ricciardi is an idiot. He doesn’t say it in those words, but the thrust is clear. Ricciardi’s in his seventh year as the G.M. of the Toronto Blue Jays, and the club still hasn’t won a pennant. Worse–they haven’t even come close. And–figure this out–the Yankees have made the playoffs in every one of those years.

OK. Most Torontonians know that to be true. The club has been good for a dog’s lifetime of third-place finishes; September’s never as fun as it should be.

But Griffin’s been playing the same tune for so long that he’s finished looking for variations. He’s chosen his standard, and now the only question is How many bars ’til he takes his shot at Ricciardi. Griffin’s column after the loss of Vernon Wells typifies the writer’s obtuse ramblings on the state of the Jays’s playoff chances. Starting his column by highlighting Wells’s importance to the club, Griffin then goes on to point out how injuries would, once again, be used as an excuse by this non-contending team. That might seem like a dangling modifier in action, but let’s look a little deeper.

“The injury news keeps getting worse for the hard luck Blue Jays,” Griffin writes in his lead. He then quotes Jon Gibbons, who says, “(Vernon) was leading our team in a lot of things. He’s a big part of it. He’s one of our cornerstone guys. You just deal with it. Those things happen during the season. It’s a big blow. When you lose one of your top players, it’s always a big blow.”

OK. So we’ve established that Vernon is good and injuries are bad. Seems reasonable. But then, in the ultimate (long) sentence, we get this: “One thing of which we can be almost certain is that someone in the Jays’ front office is already beginning to compile the off-season list of excuses for next winter as to how the plucky Jays weren’t able to overcome their many injuries.”

First paragraph: Wells is a huge part of the Jays’s offense. The club needed him to stay healthy.

Middle section: Last year the team was crippled by injuries.

Final paragraph: Well, it looks like Ricciardi’s gonna go and use this as an excuse.

A reasonable person would look at it like this: A team’s #1 or #2 position player is lost for eight weeks. Said team replaces him with an inferior player. As a result, the team in question stands to lose games they might otherwise have won. Griffin’s conclusion: “Well, ya can’t make excuses.”

And always, payroll is an issue. The Jays spend half of what their division rivals spend, but that’s inconsequential, right? Who cares if New York can pick up Matsui while the Jays rifle the scrap heap for guys like Kevin Mench and Shannon Stewart.

Griffin’s favourite game involves pointing out how many third-basemen have played for the Jays since the start of Ricciardi’s tenure. There was Eric Hinske (a Rookie of the Year half-a-decade ago who’s only now returning to productivity), Corey Koskie, Troy Glaus, and the inevitable injury subs. Most people would look at that list and think, “OK, three decent players.” A R.O.Y., a World Series MVP, and a very decent guy whose career was ruined by post-concussion syndrome. Name a mid-level team (in terms of salary) who can claim position stability at any spot on the diamond. In almost every case the player in question will have been a first-round pick of said club. The Jays have first-round picks starting in CF, RF, at 2B, at SP #1, and at SP #3. Their SP #4 is a third-round pick, as is Adam Lind–a bargaining chip or the future LF. Big prospects (and first-round picks) Travis Snider and Brett Cecil are also future starters (although Cecil could be better suited to an RP role).

The Yankees have Alex Rodriguez. So Griffin could never slag Cashman re: his 3B carousel. And the solution was so simple: Get the best player in baseball, keep him absolutely healthy, don’t cause him to have any unexpected or inexplicable regressions, and let him play. C’mon, J.P. Wake up.

And now Tampa Bay’s playing well. Really, who would’ve thought a fingers-and-toes worth of #1 overall picks over the past ten years would end up producing a winning team?

I can’t see how you attack a team for playing .500+ baseball. Realistically–given the team salaries of the Red Sox and Yankees–the Jays are exactly as good as they should be. There’s no shame in losing 3-2 to a team that’s spending $100 million more than you. And I’d call that–a 3-2 game–competitive baseball.