A couple years ago Gabriel Morency was talking about the Dallas Cowboys. “I take my hat off to Tony Romo,” Morency said. Then he continued, saying something about the Patriots and the Chargers, but the “hat” line was what intrigued me.

Because Morency doesn’t take off his hat. He doesn’t ever take off his hat. He’s the only person that I’ve ever seen appear–as a personality–on a television show, and not take off his hat. Musicians wear hats when they’re on MTV or some daytime variety show, but no one actually paid by a network has ever–to my knowledge–worn a hat on a broadcast.

It’s just not allowed.

I don’t want to get too into Morency’s scalp, because there’s always a chance that he’s been afflicted with a scar or a large birthmark or some other disfigurement. And it would be cruel to focus on him should that be the case.

But the greater probability is that he’s just bald. Like Ron Howard. But even Ron Howard’s appeared hat-less. I remember an episode of Letterman where the guest host–I think it was Adam Sandler–challenged Howard to remove his hat. And he did. And he was bald. There was nothing wrong with the way he looked; he was just bald.

Bald, hatted men–more frequently than not–look much worse with the hat on. But I guess it’s all about maintaining the illusion of hair. That Morency wears his hat backwards is, to me, even worse than the other options: going hat-less, or wearing the hat with the brim pointed forward. But I guess that was the compromise: you can’t wear your hat forwards because it hides your face in shadows; it must be worn backwards.

If you do a Google image search for “Gabriel Morency,” you’ll find him hatted in every picture. Even when he’s not wearing a hat, he’s wearing a toque. Toque in winter, hat in summer.

Will Morency ever take off his hat? I’ve searched the ‘Net for G.M. pictures, and, in every single snapshot, he’s hatted. He’s wearing a tux. with a hat; he’s wearing a suit and tie with a hat. The man hosts a radio show while wearing a hat.

I don’t know, maybe’s it’s his signature. Like Nicholson’s sunglasses, or Crawford’s beauty mark.