Last week the Cleveland Indians signed Jeff Weaver to a minor league deal. Oh, to be able to throw 88 mph+.

In 2007 Weaver proved that he could not pitch in the American League. His 6.20/1.53/.315 OBA line was the equivalent of a 15-second 100 metre dash. He wasn’t as bad as some guy behind you at Baskin Robbins, but he wasn’t as good as the mediocre standard of the fifth starter: 4.50 ERA, 1.35 WHIP, .280 OBA.

But this was already after he’d proven–back in ‘06–that he was done. A 5.18 ERA for the Cardinals; a 6.29 ERA for the Angels. Allowing home run after home run. Striking out nobody.

And yet he continues to find work.

Why? Because six years ago he had a good season. He split time between the Tigers and the Yankees, keeping his ERA in the 3.8-4 range, and keeping his WHIP in the 1.2-1.25 range. Excellent numbers, but that was back when Weaver had an arm. For whatever reason, the guy’s lost his fastball, and now he’s just throwing batting practice.

You really have to wonder why the Indians, a last-place team, would trade their best pitcher–maybe the best pitcher in baseball–and bring in a guy who easily becomes their worst pitcher–maybe the worst pitcher in baseball. Weaver’s 6.29 ERA for the Angels in 2006 is probably what fans can look forward to.

Although Weaver’s only thirty-one, he’s a guy who ought to be out of baseball. Is he going to go out there and prove me wrong? Well, his 4.91 K/9 IP rate in 2007 was just as bad as his 11.66 Hits/9 IP statistic. And his 5.51 ERA in 2008 for AAA-Nashville of the PCL doesn’t suggest that a career momentum reversal is about to happen. Neither does his HR/9 IP number: 1.65 in eight AAA starts.

Yet he keeps finding ways to get hired.

The Baseball Cube estimates Weaver’s career earnings at $39.5 million. You’d think after putting away that kind of cash for a 93-114 record that you’d go home, comb your hair, and stop getting goddamned shelled.